NLP through stories - story 61

In keeping with his doctrine that nothing be taken too seriously, not even his own teachings, the Master loved to tell this story on himself:

“My very first disciple was so weak that the exercises killed him. My second disciple drove himself crazy from his earnest practice of the exercises I gave him. My third disciple dulled his intellect through too much contemplation. But the fourth managed to keep his sanity.”

“Why was that?” someone would invariably ask.

“Possibly because he was the only one who refused to do the exercises.” The Master’s words would be drowned in howls of laughter.

Learning  :

Humor is a good tonic to the mind.

Humour removes the tumour in the mind.

Humour brings you here & now

Laughing at oneself also lightens burden and self criticism

NLP advocates to be resourceful and to be resourceful humour is a great facilitator.

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F E A R

Former American president F D Roosevelt said,” Let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself”
Excellent quote; Very wise advice.
Fear is used as acronym.
FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real
FEAR is Forget Everything And Run
FEAR is Fantasy Eliminating Available Resource  

“The only way to get rid of fear is to take action”
It’s true.
Action cures; action cures all ills.
Yet..
From real life experience you know the issue is ‘getting into action’
When fear rules there is so much work going on inside our head that we get no time to take to action; we are so much overwhelmed by the preoccupation fuelled by fear we hardly have the nerve to navigate to action.
The inevitable statement issued by such people paralyzed by fear is, “ I want to but ……”
This but buttresses whole energy & enthusiasm
This means you need a push to get into action
You are stuck due to factors that seem to be beyond your conscious control.
This means that fear happens in you in spite of your wish to push it.
You are unconsciously compelled to behave in a fearful way.
This mandates another process that can reach to your unconscious depth and set right your thinking process to express confidence, calmness, clarity & boldness.
The fact is a person suffering from fear is conscious of what to do, but not conscious enough how to do.
This HOW is provided by Neuro Linguistic Program which works with unconscious process of a human and helps him to get released from unpleasantness.
Advice is not an antidote to fear.
A new MIND PROGRAM is the antidote.
NLP programs mind for confidence, peace, and success in life.
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Myth about EPS

Myth about EPS skill

EPS is acronym for Effective Public Speaking.

Often the efficacy of effective public speaking skill is overrated.

No doubt all great leaders are powerful communicators. 

Does that mean all popular & great leaders without exception had an impeccable and immaculate oratorical skill? 

Stupid analogy

I wish to share an interesting analogy a trainer for soft skill used in order to convince a group of audience on the need for developing public speaking skill. He called out a volunteer. The volunteer came.

The trainer asked the volunteer, “How would you feel if I keep a bag of 100 bricks on your head?”

Volunteer replied, “very heavy; but still can manage”

Trainer, “what if I keep removing bricks gradually and finally you are left with only one brick on your head?”

Volunteer, “Very light pleasant & easy” (with a conspicuous expression of relief)

Trainer said, “yes.. Same way if you can confidently speak in front of 100 people, you can easily talk to one person”

What would you say on this analogy??

Talking to 100 people and talking to one person- are they same in the process of communication?

Is not public speaking a monologue and a one to one conversation/communication a dialogue?

Are not the intonation & physiology different in both the context?

I say with emphasis that the efficacy of effective public speaking skill is overrated.

In order to be successful in life one need not necessarily have public speaking ability.

What EPS cannot do automatically?

Overcoming the fear of public speaking

-does not automatically make you a ‘fearless person’,

-does not automatically make you shed inhibitions & fear entirely from life

-does not automatically make you a pleasing person

-does not make you a strategic & charismatic leader

- does not make you automatically successful in life

Politicians are great orators. Yet I am sure many would agree their speeches are empty sounds, may be momentarily entertaining.

Does everyone need?

Effective Public speaking skill is needed only for those who have the need for addressing meetings on an ongoing basis as a part of their life activity. 

Yet public speaking is not a needed daily activity for everybody.

When something is not needed why carry with you? Is it not a burden?

Everyone does not need to be an effective public speaker?
It is not necessary to overcome fear only by overcoming the fear of public speaking.

Misnomer

It is a misnomer to say that an effective public speaker is an effective communicator.

Many of such persons fail in one to one conversation;

They mostly fail to pay attention to the respondent;

They have the urge to only impress the respondent with verbal gymnastic or manipulate with word play.

In my observation an effective communicator has a greater degree of empathy & respect for the respondent than a person who is fearless about public speaking.

Everyday communication is to strengthen heart more than to just reach ears

EPS is not the only way

It is being regularly injected into the minds of gullible seekers of self development that EPS is a must for effectiveness in communication.

While overcoming the fear of public speaking may give a person a feel good factor or may give a raise in self esteem and also a sense of accomplishment, it is not a fool proof way to overcome shyness and the only way to raise self confidence.

EPS is not the only way to develop effectiveness in communication.

On the contrary over dependence on EPS is counterproductive to effectiveness in everyday communication.

Learn the skill of public speaking; don’t lean on the effectiveness of public speaking alone.

Art of Effective Private Speaking

On any given day we all spend more time in private conversation/communication than group communication.

This one to one communication makes or breaks our day, our relationship and in the process our life

Is not clear from this that we need to develop the art of private speaking?

You, as a reader of this article, start appreciating this view.

Effectiveness in everyday communication is more important than effectiveness in public communication on an occasional event.

Let’s make this world a beautiful place to live by developing responsible communication skill.

Develop the ART OF PRIVATE SPEAKING skill.                          

“An empathetic ear is more effective in communication than an eloquent mouth”

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NLP through stories -story 60

"How shall I rid myself of fear ?"

"How can you rid yourself of something you are clinging to?"

"you mean I cling to fears ? I cannot agree to that" 

"Consider what your fear protects you from and you will agree. And you will see your folly"

Learning


People may complain of difficulties and seek for counseling for relief.
Yet on careful study it becomes easy to understand that such feelings of difficulties people hold on to in order to get protected from some other perceived problem.
For example people often say of headache due to tension. if one carefully studies their pattern it is easy to find that they want the headache to prevail so that they can use it as a pretext to avoid any work stretch.
Sometimes  such difficulties are a pretext to avoid perceived difficulties.
NLP says "EVERY BEHAVIOR HAS A POSITIVE INTENTION"

For example
Every criticism conceals a want 
Every anger conceals an expectation
Every fear conceals a seeking for safety
Every frustration conceals a seeking of relief
Every cry conceals a desire of being cared for


Once this intention is acknowledged then we can find alternate to this behavior which is not wanted,

NLP says separate the intention from behavior and fulfill the intention in more appropriate ways, 
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NLP through stories _ story 59

A man was hurt in one leg in a fight with his wife

So he was admitted to a hospital with a bandage on one leg

The man saw another in patient with bandage on both the legs.

He asked that man, “Do you have 2 wives?”

Learning 

People make their model of the world based on their experience  and inference. 

It is not the event but the perception of the event becomes the reality.  

We don't deal with real reality but perceived reality .

Also Language is an expression of belief 

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